That Tingly Feeling

We/I take Chase to the themeparks on a somewhat regular basis. Three times a month is about average. Not just to Disney, but to SeaWorld, also. Is it possible that I am destroying any magic that these places have?
I did not make it to Walt Disney World until I was 27. It was someplace I had always wanted to visit. (More like work/play/sleep/live there.) It was truly a memorable experience from the time I knew that I would go. I knew more about WDW and the inner workings and minute details than most will ever know. So I enjoy it in ways few really ever will. Like, did you know that the windows along Main Street, USA, have the names of the designers and workers involved in building the park? I can also tell you what role some of those played. Is that something that is necessary to enjoy the Magic Kingdom? No. But for me, it enhances the experience. Even today, I still get that tingly feeling as I drive onto WDW property.
The underlying issue is in how I view other parks. Or specifically, how I view Six Flags Over Texas. We would go maybe twice a year. I always looked forward to going. But it did not really mean that much to me. Sure, I knew the ins and outs of the park. I knew insider tips. I hardly ever needed a map. I even "worked" there - one day as a fundraiser for church. But, never once did I ever get that tingly feeling after the age of 12 or so. It was a place to go and play for a day.
So, here I am in Orlando. I live in between three of the most well known themeparks in the world. I enjoy going to two of them with Chase. I would go once a week if I could. But will these places become a "place to go and play for a day"? Will he ever even get that tingly feeling?

Top 6 - A Celebration of Cars

So, I was watching Cars again, for about the 400th time.  With Chase, at least for most of it.  He's obsessed with construction vehicles, so this holds his fascination for a bit.  And Daddy gets a breather right before nap time. For both of us...
Anyway, I was thinking about the price of gas, and wondering if this movie was scheduled to come out, say around Christmas, if it would garner as big an audience as it did back in 2006.  Would we as a society be put off by a movie about cars and racing?  Then one of the songs started.  And I realized that we celebrate our cars, no matter what.  Both in film and in music.
So, with $4.00 a gallon for gas, here is my Top 6 list for celebrating all things automotive:
1.  Life is a Highway - Tom Cochran, 1991 (And the song that inspired the list)
2.  I Can't Drive 55 - Sammy Hagar, 1984  (A must on any car song list, even if they have raised the speed limit.)
3.  Little Duece Coupe - Beach Boys, 1963 (They invented the car song genre.)
4.  Drive - The Cars, 1984 (Yeah, I know. Way too obvous a choice)
5.  Hot Rod Lincoln - Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen, 1972  ("Son, you're gonna' drive me to drinkin' If you don't stop drivin' that Hot Rod Lincoln")
6.  Little Red Corvette - Prince, 1983 (Chevy used the song as part of an ad campaign where the slogan was "They don't write songs about Volvos".  I had to include it in my list just for that!)
Right now, I want to get into a Mustang, crank up the stereo, and drive until I'm out of gas!

So, let me know.  Agree? Disagree? Your choices?

It's a Guy Thing

Today, my son took that next step to manhood. Belching.

Not a burp. Not one of those chesty, breathy kinds of release of pressure. No. This was a belch. Deep from the pit of the gut, belch.
It did surprise him. He was not sure what had occured. Was it good? Was it bad? He looked to me for guidance.
I gave him a knowing smile, took a deep breath, and answered his with one of my own.

And then we laughed together. He laughed until he fell over. I wiped a proud tear away from the corner of my eye.

Today, we bonded. Bonded in a way no female could ever understand. And now I wait for another of those moments meant to strengthen that bond. Both those that involve bodily functions and those that don't.

Yeah, it's a Guy Thing.

I Miss MST3K

There is not one single show on any channel that I miss more than Mystery Science Theater 3000. It's been perhaps 10 years since it was on? It was inventive, sarcastic and above all, damn funny. It was not really mean or mean-spirited. It did not attack or debase anyone. It simply made fun of movies the same way any one of us would. If, say, we were forced to watch bad 50's movies with a couple of our quick-witted smart ass friends. Or with a couple of robots.
I don't know if I would watch it with my child, but truly, there isn't any comedic show now that I could/should/would show him. At least he would enjoy Tom Servo and Crow. And I know he would laugh at the right moments. Even if he didn't get the joke, he would get the punchline.

Dumb, Stupid Dubber

Okay, Dubber is not dumb or stupid. I am simply tranferring my angst and anger! Dumb, stupid tests...
Why do I torture myself? Just because there is a kooky test or puzzle, doesn't mean I have to click on it. It doesn't even mean I have to finish it!
Yet, here is the result of my nerd test:



Now I have always known, deep down inside, was a geek that would sit and read just about every comic book ever made by DC Comics, (Only Spider-man ever garnered my attention at Marvel.) all the while the old Buck Rogers and Battlestar Galactica tv series would be playing in the background. Still, I managed to satiate that urge with "real" books and Star Wars. Little did I realize that by doing so, I unwittingly created a rather balanced inner child.
Then this Nerd Test! This damnable scourge has now revealed this to the world! It has unleashed the child in the same manner a young Wart managed to pull the sword Excalibur from the stone!
Yes, I am your Cool Nerd King! Bow before me, ye awkward Dorks! Kneal and kiss my ring, ye nerds!
Trust well that I will be a benevolent ruler. We shall discuss how R2-D2 is the true main character of "Star Wars"! We shall argue as to which is faster, Superman or The Flash! But never, will I impose upon you the remake of "Bionic Woman", unless of course you find her hawt!

Our first order of business for the Round Table: "The Blair Witch Project" is a modern retelling of "Hansel and Gretel". Discuss!

R2-D2 is THE Most Powerful Entity in the Star Wars Universe

Okay, so most of you know that Star Wars is my all-time favorite movie. I first saw it for my birthday in December of 1977. We stood in line (yes, there were still lines to see it) at the old NorthPark Cinema in Dallas. Cold coupled with the anticipation made the wait unbearable for me, and I am sure impossible for my parents. But once it started, nothing else mattered. And when it ended, nothing could stop me from thinking, living, talking, breathing Star Wars. I read the books, bought the toys (with help from Mom and Dad), and acted out every scene. And when it finally came out on video, watched it again and again until I had every line memorized
Fast forward 31 years and I am still entranced by it and the other five. I cannot wait to share these with my son. To have a lightsabre duel or three with him. And, to see it again for the very first time.
Now, I finished watching Revenge of the Sith today, and I realized something that turned the whole of the series on its ear. Maybe you already realized this, and I am slow on the uptake. Anyway, I had that moment of epiphany right after Senator Organa hands over the droids to Captain Antilles. He orders C-3PO's memory wiped. It is an amusing moment. And even R2 gets in a chuckle. But, it hit me. Why not wipe R2-D2's memory, also? He has been more a part of the happenings than C-3PO. He is even one of only a handful of characters in all six parts. Why would you keep his memory intact?
His Story and History
Because R2-D2 is in fact what the story is about. Not Anakin. Not Luke. Not Obi-wan, Leia, Yoda or the Emperor. They are but pawns and supporting members for R2-D2. We first see R2 as one of a chorus of astromech droids on the royal starship fleeing the Naboo trade blockade. While his counterparts are picked off one by one, R2 is able to repair the shields and the ship is able to escape. This is the first of several times he is shown as savior when the humanoid characters are in a jam. He is presented to Amidala and everyone is quite taken by this little droid. Later in the movie, when the group return to Naboo, R2 gets into one of the fighters. Then, he is joined by the young Anakin. When Anakin powers up the fighter, he says that it is locked into autopilot and they go flying off into the dogfight with the trade federation droid ships. It is only after reaching the battle that R2 is able to disengage the autopilot. And Anakin is forced to fly and fight for his life. It is important to note that R2 accompanies Qui-Gonn to Mos Espa as we carries the technical details for the parts they need. He is in the background for most of the important moments throughout this episode and the episodes to follow.
In Episode 2, it is some 10 years later and R2 is still in the service of now-senator Amidala. While acting as her protector, he misses the introduction of two deadly worm-like creatures and Anakin must save her. Later we find R2 saving Padme from molten metal by stopping the droid production line on Geonosis. He also rebuilds C-3PO who has become parts of two battle droids.
Episode 3 begins with R2 helping with the rescue of Chancellor Palpatine. He shows more resourcefulness in that he defeats 2 of the larger, more powerful battle droids handily. And creates a diversion for the Jedis after they are caught by General Grievous. After this though, he is more of a spectator to the happenings. He and C-3PO are handed over to Captain Antilles for use on the blockade runner.
We jump some 18 to 20 years with Episode 4, where we find that he is accompanying Leia on her way to bring back Obi-Wan to Alderaan. The plan goes awry, but R2 along with C-3PO make it to Tatooine. He meets up with Luke and soon begins his search for Kenobi. While on the Death Star, he finds Leia is aboard, saves the gang from the trash compactor, and manages to get the Death Star plans to the main rebel base in time for them to utilize the information. He goes with Luke to help destroy the Death Star.
In Episode 5, he plays spectator to Luke's training. But once getting to Cloud City, he helps Chewbacca, Leia and Lando get to the Millennium Falcon, rebuild C-3PO, and restart the hyperdive engines.
With Episode 6, R2 and 3PO are given as gifts to Jabba the Hutt. At the right moment, R2 shoots Luke his lightsabre and helps Leia escape. He then goes with the strike force to Endor to disengage the shield generator. Thereby rendering the second Death Star, as well as the Emperor, defeated.
The Conjecture
Droids are machines. Made by humanoids. Created to do tasks that the humanoids cannot or will not do. Droids are property. Droids are soulless. Droids may be able to think for themselves, but they are inferior to the humanoids. Droids are seen as slaves. To that end, droids are programmed to enjoy their slavery. They will obey the rules set for them.
But R2D2 has tapped into a source of programming that has allowed him to understand and manipulate the world, and universe, around him. He is unassuming, non-threatening, and melts into the background until he needs to make his move.
It is very interesting to note that Naboo was the homeworld for Palpatine. I do not think that R2-D2 is on Naboo by coincidence. I think he is there to track Palpatine. Somewhere along the way, R2 has come across the Sith master. Whether it was during Palpatine's apprenticeship with Darth Plagueis, or simply while at a coffee shop on Coruscant, R2 sensed his evilness. Maybe even sensed the grave threat that Palpatine truly was.
What? Sensed his evilness? Like "through the force" sensed? Yes. The true nature of R2-D2 is that he is tapped into force. But not in the same way that the Jedi or Sith tap into the force. R2-D2 has reached a level of artificial intelligence that goes beyond consciousness. He found the energy field that is created by all living things. Yes, I realize that R2-D2 is not a living thing. But he does use energy. Our definition of the force is given to us by a living being, Obi-Wan. Who then dies! And then continues to "live" in the force!
R2-D2 utilizes the energy of the force to manipulate the events that ultimately bring balance to the force.
The Confirmation
Palpatine had for years worked behind the scenes with the Trade Federation to create the blockade on Naboo. His lust for power, a Sith attribute, coupled with his disgust for the ineffectual rule of the Chancellor was the driving force for his ambition. R2-D2's awareness of this was hampered in that he was bound to his programming. He cannot kill a humanoid. He could not move directly against Palpatine. Moving his way into the Queen's starship, he not only fixed the shields, but he created the leak in the hyperdrive! He did this to delay the Queen's arrival and to let others try to work out the dispute. He also knew that there was a strong presence in the force on Tatooine. If the Jedi found the presence first, it would be a blow to the Sith. In a sort of in your face move, R2 manipulates the situation again when they are back on Naboo. He gets in the fighter BEFORE Anakin does. He knew Anakin would be easily drawn to it. Further, R2 programmed the autopilot and forced Anakin into the battle. He was sure that the sight of this strong presence in the hands of the Jedi would be a blow to the newly elected Chancellor Palpatine. But, when Palpatine seemed unworried, R2 knew he would have to keep watching him.
By Episode 2, R2 was more aware of how the future would play out. He sensed Ani's love for Padme, and knew it would lead to Ani's undoing. He allowed the attack on Padme. He had hoped her death would let Ani focus on his future as a Jedi. He could not kill her directly. He could not go against his programming. It did not go as planned, as Ani saved her. And on Geonosis, R2 unwittingly saves her. He was only trying to shut down the battle droid production line. He rebuilds C-3PO because he sees the him as a front man and ally. Another entity he can manipulate. He also begins to realize he will not be able to change future events as we had planned. He makes sure he can stick close to Anakin if he is to have any chance.
In Episode 3, R2 reluctantly aids Anakin and Obi-Wan in saving the kidnapped Palpatine. R2's goal also is to eliminate the threat of General Grievous. R2 knows with his destruction, the droid armies would fall immediately. This would end the war and end how close Ani would have to work with the Chancellor. In the end, hampered in being a droid (second class citizen with no rights and no voice), R2 can only watch as the Republic is ripped asunder and the Galactic Empire takes its place. Yet he does manipulate things in his favor. He gets Senator Organa to attach them to a ship that routinely moves back and forth to Coruscant. And he makes sure that his memory is not wiped.
Well, he cannot communicate with humanoids anyway, so why does that matter? Ah, but he can communicate and it does matter! In the Ep. 1, he and Ani have conversations on the fighter. And in Ep. 4 and 5, he does the same with Luke! And, it again shows that R2-D2 can manipulate minds. And not just the weak-minded. But also the Jedi and Sith. Palpatine was powerful enough to hide his abilities even in the presence of Jedis. R2 is even more powerful in this ability.
The limitations
If it weren't for his programming and the general dismissal of droids by humanoids, R2 would have been unstoppable. Really, I think of his programming to be more along the lines of the ethical code the Jedi follow. He is much more disciplined in following the guidance of the force than either of the Sith or Jedi.
The societal and political issues are the real limitation. The bartender in Ep. 4 - "We don't serve their kind!" - exemplifies how droids are viewed. R2 and 3PO must wait outside, while all sorts of creatures of Mos Eisley (a retched hive of scum and villany) are free to come and go as they please. And when you look at the groups that Count Dooku brings together to attack the Republic in Ep. 2 - the Trade Federation, the InterGalactic Banking Clan, the TechnoUnion, and the Commerce Guild - you find a group who see droids as dispensable pawns to enforce their ways. Droids are merely servants.
Overcoming the Limitations
If R2 had wanted to, he most likely could have attached himself to someone with political connections and proceeded to make changes that way. He must have sensed that Palpatine was too powerful to be removed through the political process. So he stayed with those who could stand against the Empire. He spent his time on gathering intelligence until the fateful day of coming across the plans for the Death Star. R2 must have also sensed that the growing unrest would need leadership. He went after the one he knew who others would rally around. A Jedi.
With everyone thinking they were extinct, a Jedi reappearing would be a catalyst for other systems to join the growing rebellion. And with the destruction of something so large and threatening like the Death Star, the Emperor would be seen as vulnerable. Defeatable.
And while it did not happen how R2 envisioned it, the effect was still felt. With Ep. 5 and 6, we see how the rebel forces grow and ultimately defeat the Emperor.
In the end, R2-D2 orchestrated a brilliant behind-the-scenes plan. He brought balance to the force. He brought down the Galactic Empire. He is the only character in the end who has lived and witnessed every event from the beginning. Indeed, R2-D2 is THE most powerful entity in the Star Wars Universe.

Top 6 Times and Places I Would Visit

I changed my major from architecture to graphic design after two years of college. That meant that I had way too many "history of" classes in both areas. The art side was better in that there was a focus on the cultures that produced the works instead of dryly talking about the art by itself. Still, both gave insights into some interesting moments and places. When I finally perfect my time machine, these are the first stops:

1. The pyramids of Giza - circa 2500 BC* I would love to see the actual construction of these structures.
*Um, yeah. How would you program a time machine to understand BC dates? Is Zero considered a year?
2. Machu Picchu, Peru - circa 1450 AD The Incans were far ahead of the dominant cultural/technological wave that moved across the Earth. To see the heart of their empire in its splendor, would give such insight into a world we can only speculate.
3. Roswell, New Mexico - July 7, 1947 Right, like you wouldn't want to know the truth. I probably would arrive a few days earlier. The government could have lied about the actual date, too!
4. Eiffel Tower - 31 March, 1889 Somehow I would wrangle an invite to be part of the inaugural celebration. (I would probably take a few for a spin in my time machine!)
5. Leonardo Da Vinci's studio - circa 1502 I could then answer definitively what caused Lisa Gherardini, wife of Francesco del Giocondo to smile so when she posed for her portrait. My theory - Leo painted her with no pants on. And being a distinguished lady, she merely smiled that enigmatic smile.
6. Williams High School Plano, TX 1980 I would have a real long talk with myself. Be that object lesson as to what being an underachiever will bring you. Wait. If I have developed and fully funded a working time machine, I would just prove myself correct! OUCH! Damn time paradoxes always give me migraines.

And A Good Time Was Had By One

I won't lie. Nothing beats WDW. NOTHING! There must be some additive in the water that makes people spend their money here like there's no tomorrow. And I've had so much my eyes are floating. But I have a plan. Chase's baby teeth look straight, so I am quite sure he won't need braces. And it's stylish for your jeans to have holes. Why not your dockers and polos? Yeah. Annual passes going up again? No problem. I only need one kidney.

Seriously, if you've been to WDW during the summer or any other time when it's packed, in December it is like a ghost town. The longest wait time was Soarin at 25 minutes. Last summer, if you didn't get a fast pass by 10a.m. (one hour after the park opened) you would have to wait at least 2 hours in line!

I was king of all I surveyed. It truly was magical!

It's My Birthday!

And how do I intend on celebrating this wondrous occasion? I'M GOING TO DISNEYWORLD! Laugh all you want; it has been my desire to spend my birthday here for quite some time. And since my annual pass will expire on Christmas day, this will be the year. (I haven't decided if I'm ready to shell out the money for another year. And both SeaWorld and Universal give you the option of a monthly payout, so I may stick with either or both of those for now.)

The shameless part is that I will head there all by myself. Kat is working and has rehearsals after school. I have a meeting at work around Noon, so Chase will already be in "school". (And in truth, I don't think Kat minds. She isn't as enthusiastic about WDW as I am.)

So, yeah. I can't sleep. I'm too excited! I'm going to Disney World! For the 30th time (roughly) this year!

Less Packing and More Pondering

I am at that dreaded packing point. It is still a few days before we move, but I am down to those items deemed "essential for everyday existence." The bathroom and kitchen look like they were looted the day after Katrina hit. So I am taking a break to get a little internet fix before heading to bed.

Ponder:
Did Great Britain have some pandemic that wiped out the comedy part of their brains? (Stay with me for a second.) It seems that sometime, maybe early 80's or so, that some heinous event occurred and the entire country lost its sense of humor. That is the only thing I can think of that would cause PBS to continue to run the britcoms from the 60's and 70's. No more appear to exist past this era.
Okay, so that is sort of grumpy. I simply cannot fathom why people continue to support PBS in the age of cable. You want children's programming? Three to five other channels do that. Science and technology? History? At least 10 channels. British comedy? BBCAmerica. Hello! Some of them are from the 90's!
I guess the one thing PBS has over the other ones are cool t-shirts and mugs. Er, no. Not that either. (PBS is quickly becoming Pathetically Bad Station.)

I dream in color. I know that science poo-poos this, but really how do they know? Hook you up to some high-tech device that displays your dreams? Maybe they didn't adjust the picture correctly. Anyway, I know I dream in color because sometimes I dream I am a Smurf. And my light sabre usually is a wicked yellow. Lately it's been green.

My guilty pleasure is watching "Cheaters". That show cracks me up. Especially when the cheater gets all righteous and insulted that the cheated didn't trust them. And when there is a hidden camera at the house that captures some salacious act, but they use that huge pixelation so you can't tell what is going on. I think sometimes the cheater and co. are probably just eating fried chicken, but they needed to pad the show for ratings.
The thing that I still don't understand is how these people find time to have a double life. And what is gained by staying in a relationship that obviously isn't cutting it for them anymore. I guess they aren't thinking. And deserve to get caught like this.

And finally, after noticing a trend of bad TV watching in these last 2 posts, I need to get to bed. But first, Two and Half Men reruns are about to come on. Maybe more fodder for another inane post!

It was a dark and stormy night.

I love reading. I consume books like a beggar invited to a buffet. Non-fiction or fiction, it does not matter. As long as it is something that interests me and makes me want to turn the page. Half-Price Books in Dallas was my favorite spot to play, especially during the long, hot summers. Not having anything like that here, I find myself scouring the libraries of Orlando to satiate my habit.
Now, as I am aspiring to be found on the shelf next to these works, the writer in me always notes the style, structure, language use, etc. One can study how to write, but the best way to learn is by example. And there are plenty of those in this world.
My favorite part of any work of fiction has to be the first sentence. This almost always tells me how much I will enjoy the rest of the story. Admittedly, there are many best-selling authors whose first lines will not grab you. Either it is because they know people will read them anyway. Or they prolong this "hook" for the first paragraph. But all in all, those stories that hook you with the first sentence have become stories I will read again.
These are some of my favorites:
"Somewhere in la Mancha, in a place whose name I do not care to remember, a gentleman lived not long ago, one of those who has a lance and ancient shield on a shelf and keeps a skinny nag and a greyhound for racing." Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes

"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen." 1984 by George Orwell

"He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad." Scaramouche by Raphael Sabatini

"Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person." Back When We Were Grownups by Anne Tyler

"Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins." Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

Did you know, the title of this post is actually from a novel by Edward Bulwer-Lytton called Paul Clifford? He's also the author of the line "The pen is mightier than the sword."

Top 6 - 80's Songs I Sing With When in the Car Alone

1. You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) - Dead or Alive, 1985
2. Walk Like an Egyptian - The Bangles, 1986
3. Tainted Love - Soft Cell, 1981
4. You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi, 1986
5. Land of Confusion - Genesis, 1986
6. An Innocent Man - Billy Joel, 1983

It helped that Tainted Love and You Spin Me were used in Coneheads and Wedding Singer, respectively. This gave them more airtime.
Land of Confusion still has one of my favorite vidoes. It is fascinating to see that the anti-Republican playbook remains the same today: show the opposition as being incompetent, ignorant or an imbicile.

Why a Top 6? Because it's one better that 5, and not as cumbersome as 10.

Toe Crackers Anonymous Meeting - Friday, May 4th

Hi. My Name is Scott. I am a Toe Cracker.

Chorus: "Hi, Scott."

This is my first visit. I guess it all started about the same as the rest of you. I started popping my finger knuckles back in my teen years. Could have been earlier. Suffice to say, it's been a good long while. Other kids showed me how. One day, after school, some boys were hanging out by the 7-11. They were older than me. In hushed tones and with a couple of them as lookouts they practiced their habit. One of them called me over, "Have you tried this?" Then he cracked both of his index fingers. Shocked, I turned to go. One of the biggest said, "What's a matter? You afraid?" In my head I could hear my Mom's voice: "You'll get arthritis if you do that!" and "Your knuckles will swell up to the size of golf balls!" They circled me. I had nowhere to go. Another taunted, "I bet you can't even pop one. Go ahead. I dare you!" And with that I succumbed. I succumbed to the pressure of my so-called peers. I raised both hands, put my thumbs on the sides of my index fingers, and pressed with gentle even pressure. Pop! Both rang out! The right one just a fraction of a second behind my left. It was almost like an echo; like they were conversing.
I cannot tell you how good it felt. It was such sweet release. I knew I was hooked. Hooked for life. But it never quite felt as good as it did that first time. Even when I began crack other knuckles, it wasn't the same. I knew I needed more. And bigger pops! Soon it was my neck, then it was my back. But it never measured up.
And of course, I had to do this in private. I almost got caught a couple of times. My Dad would ask, "What was that sound?" I would either pretend I didn't hear anything or shrug in such a way to try and pop my neck. I knew if my Mom ever found out, it would break her heart.

As I grew older, I did find other addicts. We would crack fingers, necks and backs until we got the munchies or hurt too much. The bad part of it was getting my girlfriend hooked. Her thing was letting me pop her neck. Once, her Mom caught us. Aghast, she yelled and screamed at us. Then her father chased me out of the house with a shotgun. I never saw her again. I did hear she got help, though. I'm glad. I wouldn't want that on my conscience.

Then one day in my early twenties, I stumbled onto the hard stuff. All popped and cracked, I sat there staring at my feet. I thought, "Toes are a lot like fingers. Maybe I could pop them. I put my right foot sideways with my big toe on the carpet. With that same gentle constant pressure, I pushed my toe into the carpet. The pop was so loud I thought maybe the people in the next apartment heard it! The release was incredible! It was exactly like that first time cracking my index finger! I turned my left foot to a mirror image of the right and pressed down. POP! I was in ecstasy!
Now I craved more! This time in quantity. I was cracking my toes all the time. I would even make excuses, like going to the restroom, just so I could take off my shoes and start popping. Friends and coworkers thought I might have a prostate problem. Or Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Or maybe colon cancer. I used this to my advantage. Bosses excused me whenever I asked. But truthfully, what I had was more disgusting. Sometimes sitting in the stall, how I wished I had IBS instead.
If I wasn't able to get away I found that I could subdue my craving by popping my ankles. A simple twisting movement would diminish the need, if only for a short time. I could even get away with it in a group setting. Like turning to walk somewhere, and it "accidentally" would happen. Still, I know I would turn red faced.

Now, at middle age, I realize that this cannot continue. I have a child. He'll soon be asking questions about knuckle cracking. How can I tell him it's wrong, but still enjoy my habit. Do I tell him how his knuckles will swell up? Mine haven't. Looking around the room, I don't see any deformed hands and feet. And arthritis? Anyone here suffering? ...No? ...Could... Could my Mom have been wrong? ...Did she lie to me? ...

Is the restroom nearby? I think my IBS is flaring up.