August 01, 2007

Expect the Unexpected

There is a logic paradox called the Unexpected Hanging. If you are not aware of story it goes something like this:
A man commits a heinous crime and is being sentenced by the judge. The judge, known to be a man who kept his word, told the prisoner, "Because your crime is so heinous, this is worst thing I can do you. You will be hanged at dawn one day next week. To make your last days on this Earth troubled, you will not know what day it will be."
The prisoner is shaken and white as a sheet. He sees his lawyer has a smile on his face. The prisoner asks, "How can you possibly find this amusing?" The lawyer says, "Don't you see? The sentence cannot be carried out."
Puzzled, the prisoner says, "What do you mean?" The lawyer says, "Look at it this way. The judge said you will not know which day you will be hanged. But you cannot possibly be hanged on Saturday. On Friday, you would know without a doubt that you will be hanged on Saturday. The judge said you would not know the day. So you cannot possibly be hanged, as this would go against the judge's orders."
The prisoner rubs his chin and says, "I see." The lawyer then says, "You cannot be hanged on Friday, either. On Thursday, you would know that you could not be hanged on Saturday. That only leaves Friday as the day to hang you. But again, you would know this. And that violates the judge's sentence."
The prisoner says, "You are right. Thursday is also out, because I know I cannot be hanged on Friday or Saturday. It's the same for Wednesday, Tuesday, Monday and Sunday!" The lawyer says, "Exactly! You cannot be hanged without violating the judge's sentence!"
August 1st, 2005, was an eventful day. It started out as normal. I got up and went in to work as usual. We were resetting the sales floor that day because had new furniture. Most of it back-to-school related. There was also a new dining table; very ornate and very heavy. We put the legs on and went to flip it over. That is when I felt something searing hot in my back.
It felt like someone was trying to brand me, just from the inside out. Then, as if on some hellish cue, pain shot up and then down my spine. Dazed, I sat down in the chair that was waiting to match up with the table. That's when I thought, "Okay. Don't move.", followed by, "Idiot, if you didn't move, how did you end up in the chair?"
This twisted banter lasted a few moments as I began moving extremities. Toes first. Check. Feet. Check. Legs. Ouch!
As I moved my right leg, I could feel a tearing sensation in my lower right back. I told another manager that something was wrong. After my story, she echoed the thought in my head. "Idiot."
Since I knew nothing was broken. I asked her to help me into the office. There, I laid down on the floor. The hard, cold floor. I had hoped that this would let my spine and muscles relax while keeping everything straight. After 15 minutes, several people checking on me (so they could call me idiot, too), and no change, the realization hit me hard. In 20 years of working, I was a worker's comp claim.
I called my wife and had her come and take me to the clinic. Still in excruciating pain, I suffered through waiting for the doctor. I knew what he would say. "You strained a muscle. Idiot." In truth, I would not have even gone, except I knew this would get me out of work for at least a couple of days as well as something that would MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY!
We go to the first Walgreen's we can find, and Kat goes in while I try to figure out how I would exist in the uncomfortable car seat waiting for the prescription to be filled. I also realized it was after 1 pm and was hungry. When she got back, we headed for my favorite Chinese restaurant. It happened to be in the same area.
We sat down in a booth, ordered, and I took some medicine. Kat went to the restroom and I tried willing the medicine to burst out of my stomach and directly to back. I had just settled into the least painful position I could find, when Kat came back. She wanted to sit beside me. I wanted her to go to the other side. She got her way, and sat close and held me. I could only think that she must really like seeing me in pain, and wanted a close-up view. I looked at her and she met my eyes. Then she said, "I'm pregnant."
On Tuesday morning at dawn, the prisoner was awakened from a restful slumber, led to the gallows and hanged. And the prisoner never expected it.
Yes, I know that this is a strange parallel. But bear with me. You see, we had tried having a child earlier. There were issues, including an ectopic pregnancy as well as the loss of one ovary. The embryo had formed outside the womb, even outside of the fallopian tube. The doctor had to go inside and remove the embryo. While there, she noted one of the ovaries was not normal. I had to make the decision while Kat was under whether or not to remove the ovary. Toughest. Decision. I. Ever. Made.
Babies went on the back burner after that. Kat decided to finish college and try graduate school. This led us to New Orleans, then Orlando. That's where the subject of babies came up again.
So here we go, with worse-case scenarios running through my head. Does this one ovary produce eggs? Does it fire one each month, or is it every other month? If it's been every month, has it depleted its supply? Will this little baby call me an idiot?
Even then, knowing that we were just beginning this adventure, I did not expect results so quickly!
It seems that Kat had a feeling that very morning. She was certain, but when she went in to Walgreen's she bought a pregnancy test. Then, while at the restaurant, she took the test in the restroom. She knew she could not wait to tell me, so she came directly to me right then.
But she got an unexpected reaction. I was so focused on my pain and hunger, I was sitting there in stunned silence. Then I said, "You couldn't wait until I was in a better state of mind?"
Looks like everyone was right. I was an idiot that day. And I never expected any of it.

8 comments:

isabella said...

Yes, you are an idiot...but a sweet one ;-)(and it was the medication talking...at least, that's what you should maintain to your wife ;-))
So glad it turned out so well for you! Your boy is precious.

Scott said...

I wish I could have blamed it on the medication. It didn't have enough time to kick in...

And we've been married long enough that she, well, should have expected an idiot comment...

Kelley said...

Yaaaaaaaaaaaay! Congratulations!

(And sorry about yer back, dude.)

Dubber said...

Damn bubba! I leave fer a week and you go and git yerself another young'un in the oven! You're taking "git r' dun" to a whole new level. ;)

Congratulations on your blessed surprise. :)

Scott said...

NONONONONONONONONONONONONO!

You both misread it. The beginning says Aug. 1st, 2005!

I can barely keep up with Chase right now! He began climbing on everything the day after he figured out the walking thing. And those gates and fencing stuff. Only slows him down. I swear, a sibling would either be his partner in crime or who he blames it on when they get caught...

He'll probably be an only child...

Scott said...

But thanks guys for the kind words!

Kelley said...

Oooooooooooh. Whoops. Well, nevermind, then. :)

This is how rumors get started.

Dubber said...

And I called you to congratulate you an' everything! Harumph.

That's pretty good that you can remember the date. I just remember playing on the computer after work--MechWarrior--when Lisa came in our then spare bedroom/office and told me she was pregnant. The whole exploding giant robot thing was a nice visual analogy.