It's been almost a week, and I feel nothing has changed. I cannot recall feeling so negative for so long. I realize that not sharing the causes leaves this somewhat dry and whiny. But the details are just too fresh and bring out too much pain.
All of this bleakness makes finding bright spots easier. They are few and far between. And mostly intangible. But, I know they are out there. The glass still has something in it.
July 16, 2011
July 10, 2011
Catharsis
Stupefying. That is about the only word to describe how this past year has been. I cannot believe how many times I have been pushed around. Pushed down. Pushed away. So much of my personal life whirls chaotically around me in hurricane-force winds. And I am in the center of the storm.
In truth, I have bothered close friends with my tales of woe. At least parts of it. You have to have that release. Knowing that no one will actually read this, yet thousands have the chance to see it, makes writing here the hardest. But I need an outlet. Something that allows me to whine, complain, but most importantly never reacts with judgement or pity. I don't need either. I don't need answers. I need the release.
I just want to be released from the negativity. I am a if-the-glass-has-something-in-it-I-still-use-a-varying-degree-of-full kind of guy. Right now, I am empty of positiveness. I crave any glimmer of hope. Of light.
I am tired of doors closing. I am tired of moving towards something only to have it derailed. I am tired of feeling stupefied.
I know there are no details. I don't have it within me to write about/relive some of the events. I just needed to rant, scream, mash keys, and release the feelings. Here's hoping this helps.
In truth, I have bothered close friends with my tales of woe. At least parts of it. You have to have that release. Knowing that no one will actually read this, yet thousands have the chance to see it, makes writing here the hardest. But I need an outlet. Something that allows me to whine, complain, but most importantly never reacts with judgement or pity. I don't need either. I don't need answers. I need the release.
I just want to be released from the negativity. I am a if-the-glass-has-something-in-it-I-still-use-a-varying-degree-of-full kind of guy. Right now, I am empty of positiveness. I crave any glimmer of hope. Of light.
I am tired of doors closing. I am tired of moving towards something only to have it derailed. I am tired of feeling stupefied.
I know there are no details. I don't have it within me to write about/relive some of the events. I just needed to rant, scream, mash keys, and release the feelings. Here's hoping this helps.
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